The Joke Thread

[nani17]

what does a blind person need to build a house







site

Why are penguins good race car drivers?












Because they're always in the pole position.

[01srainey]

Just brilliant, top notch

mmm lets see........

what do you call a piece of furniture that plays football?







peter couch

[01srainey]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?


Unique up on it

[Ocelot]

Excellent.

Emmm
Why did they put fences around the cemetery's......












Because people were dying to get in.

[01srainey]

haha, good one

How do crazy people go through the forest?


They take the psycho path

[Ocelot]

Ok, not bad.

Man: Hey man! Please call me a taxi.







Man: Ok. You are a taxi.

[01srainey]

simple but effective

last one for now

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?





He's all right now.

[Ocelot]

simple but effective

last one for now

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?





He's all right now.

Brilliant!

Last one i guess.

What is a forum ?













A two-um plus a two-um

[G7SEV]

Terrible jokes..

[martyl2]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A phone on a bench begins to ring so a man answers it and engages the hands free speaker function, beginning to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the golf club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm out shopping and I've found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £5,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure - go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£90,000."

MAN: "Really, go for it? But at that price make sure you get it with all the extras!"

WOMAN: "Thank you honey! Oh, and one more thing... The house we wanted last year is back on the market."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer."

WOMAN: "They're asking for £950,000."

MAN: "Go ahead and give them an offer of £900,000. They will probably take it. If not, just go straight to £1,000,000 because it's really what you want."

WOMAN: "OK, I'll see you later baby - I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room look at him in astonishment.

He then turns and asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[G7SEV]

hahaha very good Martyl2

[nani17]

Q. What do you call a fish without an eye ?
A. Fsh.

[TheBroad]

What Do You Call An Italian With A Rubber Toe???






Roberto
*Gets Coat...AND RUNS*

[nani17]

What Do You Call An Italian With A Rubber Toe???






Roberto
*Gets Coat...AND RUNS*

[01srainey]

Whats a french persons favourite gaming console?






Nintendo Oui

[England]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A phone on a bench begins to ring so a man answers it and engages the hands free speaker function, beginning to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the golf club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm out shopping and I've found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £5,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure - go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£90,000."

MAN: "Really, go for it? But at that price make sure you get it with all the extras!"

WOMAN: "Thank you honey! Oh, and one more thing... The house we wanted last year is back on the market."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer."

WOMAN: "They're asking for £950,000."

MAN: "Go ahead and give them an offer of £900,000. They will probably take it. If not, just go straight to £1,000,000 because it's really what you want."

WOMAN: "OK, I'll see you later baby - I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room look at him in astonishment.

He then turns and asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Brilliant!

[danshankill09]

A dyslexic plays AE SPORTS ITS IN THE GAME

[G7SEV]

Terrible jokes you should all be ashamed. Especially Thomas

[01srainey]

Why do you always see dogs on top of houses?



Cause they like to sit on woofs

[Ocelot]

Why do you always see dogs on top of houses?



Cause they like to sit on woofs

That is brutal.


Two Cannibals were eating a clown when one says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?".