The Joke Thread

[thombhoy]

two guys are playing golf one day when a funeral procession goes by........ one of the golfers takes his cap
off and lowers his head, and the other guy says: it's nice to see you showing a bit of respect for the dead, to
which the other guy replied well i was married to her for 25 years.

[ShadyKnight]

I went out and bought FIFA the other day.










It's great being the president of Qatar.

[danny275]

I went out and bought FIFA the other day.










It's great being the president of Qatar.

[thombhoy]

I went out and bought FIFA the other day.










It's great being the president of Qatar.

Quality mate

[thombhoy]

A dad says to his 13 year old son......What do you want for christmas......His
son replies, something to wear and something to play with........So his father
got him a pair of trowsers with no pockets in them.

[danshankill09]

A sexy blonde goes to the doctor and says, "Oh doctor, it's awful, every time I hear a Jim Carrey quote, I get so horny, rip my clothes of and **** the nearest thing to me!"Doctor replies, "Re-he-eeeeallllllllly?"

[G7SEV]

Awful Dan... just awful


The laugh is not for the "joke"

[danshankill09]

Awful Dan... just awful


The laugh is not for the "joke"

really?
I thought it was good.
made me chuckle

[Mac]

This orphan came into my shop yesterday and asked where he could find some flour.

"Self-raising?", I asked.

The fucker burst into tears and left.

[ShadyKnight]

^^^^ - .

Nice one, Mac.

[G7SEV]

yea that was a good one.

[Mac]

My wife of 20 years confessed she had made a porn video before we were married.
After insisting that we watch it, I said "Why did you pull such strange faces?"

She replied "That's what happens when I cum"

[Mac]

My mate just walked in on me licking his mum out.

Quite embarrassing, he caught me with the urn in my hand and ash all round my mouth.

[ShadyKnight]

Bloody hell Mac! That's a bit dark isn't it?

[Mac]

Haha.

i did chuckle when i read it though i must say.

[moeom]

A sexy blonde goes to the doctor and says, "Oh doctor, it's awful, every time I hear a Jim Carrey quote, I get so horny, rip my clothes of and **** the nearest thing to me!"Doctor replies, "Re-he-eeeeallllllllly?"

Oh man had me laughing hard round here! Good one.

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip. So he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to the sex shop & explained his situation. The man there said:

'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except for...The Magic Penis.'

The husband was in shock with the name and asked the man 'The what!?'.

'The Magic Penis' the man replied and pulled out what seemed to have been an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed at him and pointed out how it looked just like any other dildo around. The seller than pointed at the door and said: 'Magic Penis...the door!' The penis jumped out of the box, darted over to the door and started pounding away the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly. Then the man says: 'Magic Penis...return to box!' The penis stopped and returned to the box like a gentle baby going to bed.

The husband bought it, impressed, and took it home to gift his wife. After the husband had been gone for a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said: 'Magic Penis...my crotch!' The penis shot out and drilled straight to her crotch. It was, for the wife, absolutely incredible.

After 3 mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it just wouldn't work. That damn penis was pounding without hesitation. Her husband, when gifting the Magic, had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put on her clothes, got into her car and started driving to the nearest hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road like a drunk driver back from the bar. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over, asked for license and if she had something to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said: 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me!'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied: 'Yeah right...Magic Penis my ass!'

[ShadyKnight]

^^^^^ - Very good.

[x Tru3 Blu3]

Liverpool FC make two new signings! One from Italy called Robatelli and one from Japan called Nickamota!

[ReturnOf-TheMac]

The wife asked tearfully, "Why don't we have sex anymore?"
"Don't you?" I replied.

[nani17]

What did the sea say to the penguin..

Nothing it just waved