The Joke Thread

[barrym]

I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason.

What a waste of fourteen years.

You're a waste of fourteen years

[danshankill09]

I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason.

What a waste of fourteen years.

You're a waste of fourteen years

....

[barrym]

I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty before I was sacked for no apparent reason.

What a waste of fourteen years.

You're a waste of fourteen years

....

[danshankill09]

[01srainey]

How do trespassers get in your house?

Intruder window.

[Mac]

^^ hahaha quality!!!

[01srainey]

And so the age old argument of whether you prefer FIFA or Pro-Evo has been settled

[danshankill09]

And so the age old argument of whether you prefer FIFA or Pro-Evo has been settled

[Arsenalisti]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice.

[ShadyKnight]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice.

Little Mo says 'No'.

[Arsenalisti]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothin, you done told her twice.

Little Mo says 'No'.

Sorry, probably brought about by all that Charlie Sheen talk.

[danny275]

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[Arsenalisti]

Good stuff.
But i don't like the fact that there isn't the possibility that it's a she who laughs last.

[Mac]

Whats Andy Gray's favourite curry...... Tikka Boosun

[danshankill09]

Whats Andy Gray's favourite curry...... Tikka Boosun

[ShadyKnight]

Whats Andy Gray's favourite curry...... Tikka Boosun

[01srainey]

A man who goes into a pet shop and says, “Can I buy a wasp?” The guys says, “We don’t sell wasps.” He says, “You’re a liar. I saw one in the window.”

[danshankill09]

I spent 10 years bodybuilding, I dyed my hair black and coifed it perfectly, and got large black glasses all for one reason; So that one day, in a job interview, I could give the perfect answer to a stupid question they always ask: "What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

I would slowly raise my hand, take off my large black glasses, look them in the eye and say,

"Kryptonite"



A wife asks her husband, a software engineer; "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."

[barrym]

Why didn't the cow go to the ball?

She was doing udder stuff.

[danshankill09]

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.